I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable Shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the other one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in the world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have work the shoes so long that days will go by
before they think of how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of the shoes I am a stronger women.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
Author Unknown

A MOTHER'S GRIEF

She carries such a heavy heart, her tears will often flow,

Seems everyone's avoiding her, seems no-one wants to know!

Her grief she carries all alone, nobody seems to care,

Or help her ease this burden, this burden she must bear.

Her baby has just left her, but where, where did he go?

Why did he have to leave so soon, and will she ever know?

A mother's grief's a lonely path, she only wants her child,

For other's understanding, their love, if only mild!

To talk of her lost baby, acknowledge her real pain,

To tell her life will soon be bright, she'll see her child again,

For he has gone to Heaven, an Angel up above,

Where there's no tears or dying, just great eternal love.

Try understand this mother's grief, praise God it was not you

That lost your precious, wanted child, for he was wanted too!

A Man in Grief

It must be difficult
To be a man in grief,
Since "men don't cry" and "men are strong"
No tears can bring relief.

It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test
making calls, holding visitors
So she can get some rest.

They always ask if she's doing all right
And what she's going through,
But seldom take his hand and ask,
"My friend, but how are you?".
He hears her crying in the night
and thinks his heart will break.
He dries her tears and comforts her,
But stays strong for her sake.

It must be very difficult
To start each day anew
And try to be brave~
He lost his son too........

So many things remind me of you....

 Sometimes someone walks by and I think of you

If I see a phone that looks like yours, I think of you, every single day I think of you. I miss you every single day.

(i got Jace one!)(just don't even go in anymore)

(how could you drink those things yuck)

 (this one actually made me walk out of walmart crying my eyes out)

I could use your help with this thing

 I need to talk with you again,
Why did you go away?
All our time together still feels like yesterday
I never thought I'd see
A single day without you,
The things we take for granted,
We can sometimes lose And if I promise not to feel this pain,
Will I see you again?

'Cause time will pass me by,
Maybe I'll never learn to smile,
But I know I'll make it through,
If you wait for me...
And all the tears I cry,
No matter how I try,
They'll never bring you home to me
Won't you wait for me in heaven? Do you remember how it was?
When we never seemed to care,
The days went by so quickly,
'Cause I thought you'd always be there...
And it's hard to let you go,
Though I know that I must try,
I feel like I've been cheated,
'Cause we never said goodbye... And if I promise not to feel this pain,
Will I see you again?

Merry Christmas Sweetheart

Happy Birthday! We miss you so much and think of you every single day. Life is just not the same without you here.

Nickelback If Today Was Your Last Day Lyrics 

My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day
and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
If today was your last day

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the prize is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you'll never live it twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day
and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce of memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day

If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are
So do whatever it takes
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothin' stand in your way
Cause the hands of time are never on your side

Death alters the reality we inhabit; the death of a child changes it completely. No part of my life, from my most ethereal notions of God to the most mundane detail of toothbrushing, was the same after Justin died. Life consisted of one rending novelty after another....

It doesn't matter how educated, moneyed, or smart you are: when your child's footprints end and, when the chaplain is walking toward you with bad news in her mouth, then only the clichés are true, and you will repeat them, unashamed. Your life will swing suddenly and cruelly in a new direction, and if you are really wise-- and it's surprising and wondrous how many people have this wisdom in them-- you will know enough to look around for love. It will be there, standing right on the hinge, holding out its arms. And if you are wise, you will fall against it and be held. For my sister and D, I will always reach.... 

I lost my child today
People came to weep and cry
as I just sat and stared, dry eyed
They struggled to find words to say
to try and make the pain go away
I walked the floor in disbelief
I lost my child today.

I lost my child last month
Most of the people went away
Some still call and some still stay
I wait to wake up from this dream
This can't be real, I want to scream
Yet everything is locked inside
God, help me, I want to die
I lost my child last month.

I lost my child last year
Now people who had came, have gone
I sit and struggle all day long
to bear the pain so deep inside
And now my friends just question Why?
Why does this mother not move on?
Just sits and sings the same old song
Good heavens, it has been so long
I lost my child last year.

Time has not moved on for me
The numbness it has disappeared
My eyes have now cried many tears
I see the look upon your face
"She must move on and leave this place"
Yet I am trapped right here in time
The song’s the same, as is the rhyme
I lost my child.........today

I miss you every day. My heart still feels like it is in a million pieces and there is no way to put it back together. I avoid things that remind me of you because it does not bring me any joy. I have heard that this changes in time. I have questioned my faith like never before in my life. I have relied on my faith like never before in my life. My tears are quiet but very painful. I had a dream that you walked right up to me and gave me hug, God It was so real that I could feel you and then other people were telling me I had to let you go thats when I knew it was a dream and I just didn't want to let you go. I know you left Tyler here for me and he has lifted my spirits a time or two so thank you. Justin I miss you so bad. So many things are so painful and no one can understand and I don't even try to explain anymore. There are some people who just get it and they dont have to say anything. I love you my greatest nephew in the world!

Please don't cry"
I see a beautiful boy that's not quite a man
off with his soccer ball in one hand 
Playin in the clouds so way up high
he whispers dear family "Please don't cry"

I'm with the Lord and it's lovely here
just remember me... I'm always near
I seen this man, he heard my call
I asked him to send my love to all!

Life is: ~But a blink of an eye
we'll be together again so "Please don't cry"
Dad when you are lonely and feeling sad
smile and remember the good times we had

The tribute you made to me is beautiful mom
and I must say, "Your still the bomb"
My wonderful family and amazing friend I love you so
so much more than you'll ever know

I'll say... I shall "see ya" and not good-bye
in the heavens one day so "Please don't cry"

 They tell me it gets easier, that time softens the pain
Right now I’d have to tell you, I think I’m quite insane
The constant ache inside me, keeps gnawing at my heart
One year ago we lost you, my world was ripped apart
I remember every second, every minute before that call
I remember a world of happiness, and a life with my Justin and his ball
And on that Wednesday, May 9th, when the angels took you away
I would have made any bargain, if God had let you stay
You weren’t supposed to leave first; I was next in line
Too young to be taken; it shouldn’t have been your time
You had everything to live for, so much was left undone
They ask for you to teach them, you were the very best cousin
The things that I believed in, are tossed aside today
My very faith’s been tested; I find it hard to pray
I don’t blame God for taking you, but I’ll never understand
Was it fate this happened, or was it some master plan
You filled my life with laughter, I’m thankful for the years
With every breath I miss you; I’ve nothing left but tears
I can’t believe you’re gone, I can’t believe it’s true
How do I go on now, what am I to do
I feel like I can’t breathe, it’s impossible to think
No sleep is found at night, I think I’m on the brink
My body wants to live on - my heart, it doesn’t care
My mind screams within me, “this just isn’t fair”
Yet somewhere deep inside me, I know I must go on
I know you’d want that for me, even though you’re gone
You didn’t go alone; you took my heart with you
Wait for me Justin, until my time is through
For when I leave this life, I know I’ll be afraid
I hope that God forgives me, for mistakes that I’ve made
When I come through the darkness, and look towards the light
Please be there waiting, then I know I’ll be all right

The worst year of my life!

I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I've learned that learning to forgive takes a lot of practice.
I've learned that friends may become strangers,
And strangers become friends.
I've learned that ignorance isn't an excuse for lack of compassion.
I've learned that some people will never,ever-"get it".
I've learned that the community of sorrow is the strongest of all.
I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of minutes.
I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you ever see them.
I've learned that love isn't measured by the amount of time
you have with someone.
I've learned that sorrow is so deep it has no words.
But so is love

I do not come here as often, not because I miss you any less but because the constant pain is excruiating. I have to face life without you every morning when I awaken and every night before I fall asleep and so most days I am just emotionally exhausted. My heart, my body, my spirit, my everything aches for you. It doesn't seem like it has been almost a year. I lost my nephew, which to me was the kid I kinda grew up with and felt the need to protect, it was my sisters son that she cherished and couldn't get enough of, the first grandchild who got spoiled and I was even jealous of because of that. But on that same day I lost my very best friend in the whole world - the person I couldn't wait to see or if I saw his name on caller ID I don't think I could pick up the phone fast enough, despite the fact I had already ignored any of the previous callers that day and my own parents can attest to that, my movie buddy who could eat as much popcorn as me, my reality check when my mouth got the better of me, the person I loved to shop for as much as myself and knew his taste better than my own, the one and only person who has never let me down.  How do you lose a nephew and at the same time lose the one person you need the most to help get you through it? I MISS U I LOVE U JUSTIN TIL WE MEET AGAIN...

 Death is nothing at all. It does not count. I have only slipped away into the next room. Nothing has happened. Everything remains exactly as it was. I am I, and you are you, and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged. Whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by the old familiar name. Speak of me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference into your tone. Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me, pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was. Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it. Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was. There is absolute and unbroken continuity. What is this death but a negligible accident? Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just round the corner. All is well.

I miss you Justin so much. I pray for peace. I pray for strength. I pray for you and I pray for me. We missed you at the easter egg hunt today and you didn't get to sing Happy Birthday to Chase today. You would have laughed so hard hearing Caden sing. I used to make fun of you and your accent, well, caden is probably worse than you. Nothing is complete without you here. We are always missing something and you can look around and see it on everyones face. It leaves this sick feeling in my stomach that constantly makes me think to myself "what am i forgetting to do" and then i remember NOTHING it is the emptiness that i live with everday without you here and it is just worse on every day that we are supposed to be celebrating with a smile. WEll just tears here tonight and no smiles. Miss you baby everyday of my life!

I said, "God, I hurt." And God said, "I know.


I said, "God, I cry a lot." And God said, "That is why I gave you tears."


I said, "God I am so depressed." And God said, "That is why I gave you


Sunshine."


I said, "God, life is so hard." And God said, "That is why I gave you


loved ones."


I said, "God, my loved one died. And God said, "So did mine."
I said, "God it is such a lost. And God said, "I saw mine nailed to the cross."


I said, "God, but your loved one lives. And God said, "so does yours."


I said, "God where are they now?" And God said, "Mine is on My right side, and yours is in the Light."


I whispered, "God it hurts." And God whispered, "I know."

 
All heaven was in mourning
The day that young man died,
When He closed His eyes, they said,
Ten thousand angels cried
The angels shed their many tears,
Because He was God's son,
But there is special sadness,
When God takes the very young.
At times like that, I question God,
Why let a child die?
I cannot understand it,
And I need to ask Him why.
I, too, have heard the angels cry,
I've heard them cry first hand,
For I, too, gave up a child
And I've tried hard to understand.
Yes, I received God's comfort,
Though I'm grateful I want more,
I want reasons; I want meaning
I'm a parent who's heart sore.
God can give and God can take,
I am well aware of this,
But why my baby - why my child?
Why did God put him on His list?
Did I love my child too much?
Was he too good for this old earth?
Has his purpose here been filled?
Was that why he was taken first?
I awake each day with questions,
I fall asleep at night the same,
So many times I asked God why,
I'm both saddened and ashamed.
But then, in reflective moments,
When my prayers are most intense,
One word keeps going through my mind,
Patience - patience - patience.
Maybe now is not the time,
To explain this great heartache,
Even if I knew God's reasons,
What difference would it make.
Can't I just be grateful,
For any time we had?
Accept God's action without question?
Why is that so very bad?
What's my hurry - why my pressure?
Is my faith not strong enough?
God will explain it when He's ready,
Surely I can trust that much
God understands my broken heart,
He, too, gave up a Son,
He knows the pain of one lost child,
He weeps with me, we are one.
Just as I talk to God each day,
I talk to my precious child,
I blow him kisses, and I say,
"See you, honey, in a while."

Well, we got to see a few snow flurries today. It wasn't much but Caden saw it. He is gonna be so much like you and I know there is a piece of you left behind in him for us to enjoy. He loves you and always smiles when he sees your pictures, I just wish you were here to see him getting so big. Thank you Justin for loving my kids so much. I love you and miss u every day.






















It’s not so common anymore
to have a dad who’s really there,
who is the provider for his family,
who comes home every night,
whose predictability
creates a sense of stability and security
in his household.
Your routine may not seem valuable to you,
but it’s worth a lot to me.
I’m thankful that I can depend on you
to always be you--
a real father,
responsible, trustworthy,
and a great role model.
I’ve learned a lot of good things
from watching you.
Thanks, Dad. 








Dear Justin
If I could have a lifetime wish
A dream that would come true.
I'd pray to God with all my heart
for yesterday and you.
A thousand words can't bring you back.
I know because I've tried.
And neither will a million tears,
I know because I've cried.
You left behind my broken heart, and happy memories too.
I never wanted memories though,
I only wanted you.
~Author Unknown~ 







Everywhere I look there you are. It may be a picture or a look in my own child’s eyes, but it is really you looking back at me. I see you in the passenger seat of my car singing our songs together on our way to the movies. I see you in every tear that my sister cries for you. I see you all around my house and sometimes it is so painful I think I may be sick. When I look at my plant that I took from your funeral it is a painful reminder of what I do not have anymore and that is you, but yet I could not dare get rid of it for the same reason that it is a reminder of you. I can see you laying around on the floor with Maverick and I know you loved him so much. I think he may come to join you soon and I will be ok to let him go because I know you love him just like I do and will take extra special care of him. I cannot watch a movie without some simple reminder of who you were or who you were supposed to be when you grew up. It just wasn’t supposed to be this way. We are not supposed to have to live like this…in so much pain and misery. I hate that God did this to us. I know I have heard from many people that everything happens for a reason and it is supposed to be this way because of the PLAN. Well, right now I hate that STUPID plan. I hate you not being here with me. I hate watching your mom and dad be so sad without you when all they ever really wanted in life was YOU! I want to know why this happened and when do I get to see you again. Maybe this is selfish but I don’t care. I want to be with you and I want my life back the way it was before God took you from me. I love you Justin. I just hope I showed it to you often enough to carry with you until I get to love on you some more and you better be ready because I wont let one day go this time without a hug and kiss…muhhhhhaaaa Love, Aunt Vicki
















My First Christmas in Heaven

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below,With tiny lights. Like Heaven’s stars, reflecting on the snow. The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear;For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year. I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear,But the sounds of music can’t compare with the Christmas choir up here. I have no words to tell you the joy their voices bring;For it is beyond description to hear the angels sing. I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart;But I am not so far away,, we really aren’t apart. So be happy for me, dear ones, you know I hold you dear;And be glad I’m spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year. I sent you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above;I sent you each a memory of my undying love. After all, love is a gift more precious than gold;It was always most important in the stories Jesus told. Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do;For I can’t count the blessing or love He has for each of you. So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear;Remember, I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.











This pic was taken at your 16th birthday. You were so excited to go to Hooters and then to pick up your car. We spent hours at car toys waiting for them to get it ready. You,Jace, Ashley and Sandy just hanging out with us like you had nothin else better to do. I remember watchin all of you just goof around. What a beautiful smile you have . There are so many things I miss about you, but this is near the top! This birthday was going to be a big one for all of us and I can't believe you are not with us to celebrate. I know you are in a better place and probably celebrating with new friends and old family, but I still miss you and will go to the cemetery to send you some balloons. I hope that you will see them and smile. I had already asked you what you wanted for your birthday this year and as always you said "I don't know, I have everything". Well, my love, you were certainly our everything and I hope you have a special birthday today. I love you, I miss you. I hope you feel my arms around you and me kissing you all over your face.....Happy 18th Justin




Forever will I love you

You will always be my mom...
As I sit with angels I look down at you and point proudly See . .See her . .over there,
That's her! Did you know I could hear your thoughts at night when you used to lie in bed staring. rubbing your hand on your belly
Looking up at the ceiling in the dark wondering things. Who I would look more like About how my laugh would sound my first steps.
Books that you would read to me, ones with pictures," I like Those!" The park...how you would walk me in a stroller to play on the swings, How about after I ate ice cream the dog excitedly licking my face almost knocking me down, You just smiled when you read that I could see you Do you know I call you "mom"? When you are in the kitchen I pretend to be busy and call you to my room to say I love you.. .I like the way you kiss Chase and hold him at night. Caden may not remember me but if you ask if they ever dreamed of playing soccer with someone they would say yes, That's me. Do you remember that I loved to play songs for you and sing whatever lyrics I wanted and now do you still hear those songs? That is me too . . . I would sing "I love you" I am always along side you, Sometimes you can feel me, a brush against your arm, a breeze on your face, that's when I kiss you, You have always kept me, in your mind and heart Thank you! One day we will be together in heaven and you will cry and run into my arms and I will hug you so very tight and never let go, But for now I have to, No matter where you go, what you do I am with you, Always know that I am "Your Little Angel", I love you mom . . .
Bye . . . these beautiful heartfelt words















How does circumstance
Seem to cost us every chance
At living out the truth in our hearts

It seems the best laid plans
Fall just outside our hands
And leave us broken down and far apart

But if faith plays a role
I know someday I’ll hold you in my arms forevermore

So let’s love like it’s ours to keep
Love like we’ve always dreamed
And maybe this time
The fates will be kind to us
So let’s love like it’s ours to keep

I wish there was a way
That we could somehow stay
In this perfect moment in time

I’d give up everything
‘Cause this is all I dream about
Whenever I’m alone inside my mind

I pray faith plays a role
So that someday I’ll hold you in my arms forevermore

So let’s love like it’s ours to keep
Love like we’ve always dreamed
And maybe this time
The fates will be kind to us
So let’s love like it’s ours to keep 








My heart is broken into a million pieces and it is like a puzzle that I try to put back together, but there is always that missing piece. Some of the pieces fit together so perfectly and others are just a face that is left out. I was supposed to be an aunt to this great teenager right now. My home was supposed to be the place he came to get away and just hang out. I was supposed to take his side anytime he had a fight with his friends or parents. I was supposed to be the aunt who took him to visit my old college and helped him choose the right one for him. I was supposed to be the person who never liked the girls he brought home to his parents because they simply were not good enough or him. I am lost because I am not that person to anyone anymore.
It has been 4 months of pain and it hurts just like the first day without him. I have heard it is suppose to get easier, but I haven’t felt that yet. I am so thankful for all the memories and all the pictures, but right now they are bittersweet. Most days I avoid them because it hurts so much to face them. Sometime I catch a glance of his smile and it is like someone has taken by breath away. I miss his laugh, but can still hear it. I miss the scent he wore, and can still smell it. I miss his touch, but can still feel it. It just isn’t the same and it just isn’t enough. I have a wonderful family and feel all alone. Life is a chore and I play tug-of-war daily with my own faith and hope of my future. He was my rock. He could always make me laugh and I am scared I will never truly laugh like that again. Family traditions will be changed now. Our home is no longer the same home. Everything has changed I am searching for my own way…People who seemed to care in the beginning have come and gone, yet there others who have taken this journey with us and continue to feel our pain and reach out like we never thought was imaginable. The Wills Point football team has made us so proud and we know that Justin is smiling down on them. The entire town has embraced my family and I am amazed at the love.







This memorial website was created by Vicki in the memory of our loved one, Justin "J.D." Dugger who was born in Texas on December 03, 1989 and passed away on May 09, 2007 at the age of 17. We will remember him forever.